I recently met a sweet woman who contacted me through eBay after reading my guides. She is smart, well-educated, clear, and concise - a pleasure to communicate with, but she was in crisis. She had been "the other woman" in an affair, had fallen deeply in love, this love was reciprocated, but her lover returned back to the other, long-standing relationship. The woman who contacted me was understandibly distraught, and was seeking magical help from me.
I could tell it was a "crisis time" becuase of a couple bits gleaned from our emails. 1) She had seen several workers and had several spells cast including break-up spells, and 2) after counseling her to take some time for healing and a short step back, she stated something to the effect of that she knew that was the higher route, but she just wasn't there yet.
Now, i completly sympathize with this woman, and my heart aches for her. Her suffering was tangible, even through email. I also pass no judgement on folks who wish to undertake break-up work or coercive work to keep a mate faithful. I'll counsel you on how to do this work, but it's not something i choose to do on behalf of my clients - just my own personal boundaries. I also don't do reconciliation crisis work for folks if:
1) They're the other woman/man. This sounds harsh, and no judgements here, either. I've been there myself. It's just that as a spiritual worker, i will not work against what God has joined together - even if it's dysfunctional, and even if the love you share is real and stronger. It is far better to wait and let those holy bonds be dissolved by legal divorce and/or ritual. If you chose to undertake work to break them up, you will find the energetic cords of matrimony exceedingly hard to cut through. And this is not even taking children into consideration. It is my experieice that in the long run folks will always choose their children and family stability over a passionate new relationship.
2) If they don't take at least a tiny bit of time to heal themselves first - folks, we're talking about a week here! If you can't take the time to burn a 7-Day vigil light for clarity and heart-healing, then i guarantee your emotions are not going to be steady enough to affect a successful reconciliation - no matter how much magical and spiritual help you get. I'm not trying to divert you off your intent of reconciliation, it's just commonsense here. If you can't invest a little bit of your energy into healing, how are you going to be of any use to your mate?
Now, there are plenty of quality workers who will take on clients in a relationship crisis who wish to do break-up work and come to me work, no questions asked. These are just boundaries i've set for myself partly due to my talents and partly due to my own spiritual belief. No one worker will fit every client.
Here's some more information and advice that i've writen on the subject to someone who was in a reconciliation crisis and was also the other woman:
"You are at a disadvantage, magical or mundane, being "the other woman." I mean no disrespect by this at all, it's a situation i've been in myself, and i understand that the love you two shared was real, not a rebound or a thrill-seeking affair. But you know what i mean as the other woman: there was an established relationship and there are children involved.
"It's been my experience that people will always choose their children - even if their children are being irrational - over a lover/spouse no matter how deep the love.
"If your hunch is right, if the two [the lover and the spouse] are back together again, you will be working against a large obstacle, magically and otherwise: they have time, commitment, and a family on their side. people often choose this over passion and soulmate love, whether this is the right move or not, i can't be the judge.
"Although it probably kills you, i think it would not be in your best interest to try to interfere with their relationship. Even if you were able to affect a break-up, magical or otherwise, it would not be clean. Folks who use magic to accomplish this - and i know you've not suggested this, i'm just adding it as a FYI - have to constantly reinforce the work throughout the relationship and it usually doesn't last. Anyone who promises you otherwise is not being truthful.
"Your lover needs to come to you with clear intentions: as is I love you despite what others say, and i am completely and thoroughly yours - nothing lingering with my spouse. This is a tall bill for anyone, and they must feel terribly torn - i know you must have put yourself in you lover's shoes. Anything less than this, and i don't think there's the future you want from this relationship.
"It may just take time, though, and your lover may eventually come around and follow her heart. Your lover has a lot of decisions - the ball's in his court as to how he wishes to live his life, with who, and how to placate his children. The best and most loving thing you can do is support your lover and bless him from afar - giving him space. It will also be the the most profound and holy gift you can offer him.
"To me, this is more of healing work, which i would be happy to undertake: Healing for you, for your lover, for the kids, healing for your heart, which probably needs it badly. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but i'm giving you the best, most realistic advice i can give, and also giving you what i would prescibe from a magical point of view.
"If you feel you must try, then you must try. Just please follow the parameters i set out in my eBay guide about reconciliation - set a time limit for you to do this work, as in by _____ if i do not have my lover back faithful and happy with me, i will move on. You have to stick with this, though, but it can be however long you know is right in your heart: three, six months, a year.
"With magic, more is not always better. If you have a bunch of intentions bouncing about in the ethers such as: Lover come back to me, My lover and his spouse break-up, etc. etc., i think it can be counter-productive but they don't necessarily cancel eachother out. I just think it's not as tidy, which may be a direct reflection of how you're currently feeling. I would advise you to pick an intention such as: "My lover and i are enjoying a satifiying, commited relationship," or "My heart is healed by God's overflowing Love," or "All parties involved in this relationship are healed and surrounded by Love," something. Find one intention in your heart and stick with it. Then if you want to employ various workers on your behalf, they will at least be on the same page.
"Here's a prayer i just typed up right as you emailed me. A coincidence? Maybe now - or at some other point - it may be of help:
"With unlimited faith and understanding love, I release and forgive.
Dear one, know that I am holding you in prayer. Enfolding you in love and understanding, I release any need to control outcomes for us. I am assured that God is in charge, and that Divine Love infuses our circumstance.
As we go forward, I trust God to lead us with Divine wisdom. As we follow, we are guided to refreshing levels of insight, new-found options of action, and renewed belief.
Making right choices, we move ahead with faith and trust. Our desire is for the best for ourselves and each other.
Assured with serenity and comfort, we feel, acknowledge, and affirm: Wherever we are, God is, and all is well.
With unlimited faith and understanding love, we release and forgive.
"My advice would be that you take a month off: devote yourself to spiritual pursuits and self-improvement, heal yourself, take care of yourself, fast, take spiritual baths, pray and meditate frequently or learn how to pray and meditate, join a spiritual community for support, talk to a therapist, do a spiritual cleansing of your house, etc. With a clearer slate and a clearer mind, you would then act in a manner closer to your ultimate good, with a cooler head, and without the distracting passionate emotions.
"But few people heed this advice - you won't hurt my feelings if you pass on it.
"The type of work i do is spiritual in nature. I don't do break-up work, i won't work for "the other woman," and i don't do overly coercive magic on behalf of clients - not that i judge anyone whatsoever for undertaking this kind of work at all or think that this work is beneath me or whatever. These are just boundaries i've set for my client work.
"Magic done in crisis times is usually not effective, unless your intents are pure and holy such as work done for crisises such as illness, surgery, safety issues, etc. The reasons are obvious - people are usually desperate and all over the place. they flip from wanting to do reconciliation work one day to wanting to curse their ex the next day.
"You had shared something with me in your candor that summed it up, something like if you could rise above it, act in accordance with what you know is higher and holier, you would, but you're just not there yet. And i totally know where you're coming from - i'm not judging you or saying you should be feeling anything else. It's just where you are now, and that's fine. Nothing is permanent, everything unfolds exactly as it should.
"For relationship crisises, the best i can do is offer healing work. I suggested taking a month - or at a minimum a week - to focus on yourself and your healing. Don't talk to your lover, take a temporary step back, and let the fog lift a bit. I offered some healing ideas previously. All of those can have profound evolutionary effect.
"It has been my experience that when people are scattered and overrun by their emotions, their actions mirror this internal state - they hire worker after worker, psychic reader after reader, spells on top of spells, to no avail. This is because for magic to work, you have to have clear intentions and come from a place of steady conviction. With magic, more is not better. Clarity is what rules. It also doesn't matter if you hire a professional to do the work for you. A professional may have a clear mind and experience, but it's your heart and soul that will be attracting the effects (or lack thereof).
"I understand your desire to reconcile this relationship - i can feel your suffering. This desire probably won't go away overnight, but some of the desperation will, and with a little time you'll certainly act in a way closer to your highest good. You may still want to undertake reconciliation work, but this time you'll be more effective and focused, less angry and hurt. You also may get some insight into your relationship, see things about your partner that you didn't see before, and maybe years down the road you'll thank God for unanswered prayers.
"In the meantime, for a reconciliation crisis, I would be happy to do candlework for your healing and the healing of the relationship - not the reconciliation. A reconciliation may be an effect of the candlework, but i wouldn't be my focus yet if i was to do your work. i think a lot of personal healing has to be done before you two can have a shot at a healthy relationship. i think this would be true even if your lover came back to you today. Another symptom of healing work is that it could work in different ways than what you (or i) envision. You could move on; your lover could move on; your lover could expereince healing with his children, family, and spouse; you could experience healing in other arenas in your life, etc. unfortunately magic/spiritual work is not like writing in a future script, setting in stone all your desires. You are directing natural energies to your aid, opening up a channel to the universe to receive the good coming to you, and putting up a beakon to God and your inner self to attract what you desire. Sometimes the effects are not as you would envision - an example would be doing money-drawing work hoping to hit the lottery, but ending up with tons of overtime opportunities, weekend work, etc.
"I think a magical candle decorated with prayers and affirmations and power symbols, infused with healing, burned at your home as part of a week-long healing practice would be my best recomendation. These candles burn for 4-7 days, and you could really make a great healing ritual for yourself consisting of healing baths, building a self-healing altar, spiritual reading, prayers and meditations, a cleansing diet and detox tea, incense, etc., all while the candle was burning and/or done in front of it. i can also supply you with spiritual supplies such as incense and bath crystals and recommend readings and prayers if you desire.
"I can make a candle for you as described above and and also make its mate for me to keep and burn on my altar as well. We would time our candles to be lit at the same time, and i would offer my prayers and energies twice a day. These are the two options i feel confident in offering a person in the midst of a reconciliation crisis. I'm sorry if it's somewhat disappointing, and i'd be happy of course to keep you in my prayers if you decide to seek work elsewhere.
"Once you have spent a month healing, and you have set a firm deadline for doing reconciliation work (asking God/your higher self for a time when you will stop working for reconciliation), if the fog has lifted and you feel a bit more insightful and clear, you also feel that you can work according to what you know is good and in your best interest, i may then help with reconciliation work. I just don't do relationship crisis work as i find it's a waste of time and money, and i couldn't undertake it ethically in good faith."
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